I’m Depressed

You have no idea how hard it is to admit that to myself.

And I think my dogs figured it out before I did.

I keep thinking about Luna.  Wishing I could have done something to save her.  I miss her.  She should still be with me.  Her family comes home in a few days.  And I hope so very, very much that they were able to enjoy the rest of their vacation.  It will be hard coming back to an empty home.

I also had to deal with someone using toll roads and not paying.  I forgot to take her off my transponder years ago and she was racking up charges on my account.  Because I also forgot to redo my debit card when I got an NSF charge back in March of 2017.  Sunpass failed to notify me until the Thursday before Christmas.  The excuse Sunpass gave was that they got a new system and were auditing things to verify all charges were going to the correct accounts.  Why she didn’t contact Sunpass after the first 4 or 5 times of not getting a bill is suspicious.  I’m sure she was hoping that she just got lost in the system.  That infuriates me.  Because she was stealing.  And she thought it was fine to steal from the state.  I can see from the records that she started using the toll roads more often over the last 3 months.

She is making payments to me.  Hopefully, this will be over with in less than 6 months.  Yup - over $500 she racked up in tolls probably hoping to never get caught.

And then there’s my bathtub.  It cracked.  2 estimates to fix it the way I want.  One is a tile guy and is above my budget and above the value of this house.  The other has known me for 30 years.  I puked on him once.  LOL.  He’s going to take out the liner that I have and build a shower.

I got curious because I was hoping the shell was over an existing tub and tile wall.  The walls are not over anything except wood studs.  Which probably means the tub shell isn’t over anything either which explains why it cracked eventually.

The good thing about that is we don’t have to worry about moldy tile underneath the shell.  The bad thing is we have to worry about damaged wood under the shell.

And Cesar will need a dental.  I’m going to wait till I get my tax refund back for that.

There is good through all this.  I’ve managed to keep my weight at 195 to 196.  I did pay off the vet, my new phone, and a medical bill before Christmas.  I got to spend a lot of time with my dad and old(er) brother while on vacation.  I hated having a bathtub that I couldn’t use to take a bubble bath in.

It’s a matter of just riding this out.  Things do make me giggle like the dogs with the puppucino, but then I’m right back to blah.  Those of you that have depression understand.

But I still argue with myself about it:
“You don’t have a reason to be depressed.”
“Others are way worse than you.”
“Look at all the good things in your life.”
“Go for a walk!  You’ll feel better.”

My dogs do keep me entertained which helps.  <3